Have you ever hit a wall and were shocked by the speed and violence with which you hit it? Were you shocked that you hit the wall in the first place? Why didn't you see it coming? You thought you were built for this, constructed to not be obstructed by this type of wall. You were strong, or so you thought.
I have been there. Shocked by my ability to make the same mistake...yet again. Been shocked by my response to a trigger. I have been shocked by my propensity to do what I thought people like me didn't, couldn't, wouldn't do.
Well, the truth is we by ourselves are capable of the unimaginable...good and bad. We were built to fail and shock ourselves with our base proclivities. The honest truth is we need God to not persistently fall into muck, over and over again. Sin crouches at the door. However, God is also at the door of your heart....
Self-will alone cannot rescue or deliver.
We need God to be better than good. We need God to be saved from ourselves. We need God to respond supernaturally as opposed to naturally.
We were never meant to go it alone. Contrary to common rhetoric, we need a saviour, we need to be saved. And there is but One that can truly save, only One can truly deliver.